The Benefits of Fairness

It’s my understanding that The Man will be promoting an amendment to ban gay marriage. Apparently, Unca Dub believes “marriage is an enduring and sacred institution between men and women” and has supported measures to protect the sanctity of marriage. Well, that doesn’t fly for this hetero mom, but I suppose everyone is entitled to their view—I mean, except for all the gay would-be marrieds, of course.

But this is the same guy who’s willing to grant what amounts to an amnesty to millions of illegal aliens on the theory of fairness. Who was talking up a guestworker program before anyone in Congress had ever even heard Si se puede. In fact, a lot of what goes on under Uncle Dub concerns itself with fairness. In a nationally televised evening press conference at the end of April, for example, the word “fair” came up in his speech and responses to the press no less than 11 times. I don't think I've ever heard him say that he loves one daughter more than the other. So I know fairness is constantly on his mind. And I also know that if everyone can’t join our President and that scrog Santorum and every other gay-basher who wields power in this country in their narrow-minded views, everyone still wants fairness nonetheless.

So how to rectify our apparent ideological divide with our beloved fairness? How about this: Since we can’t make our gay friends married b/c that would somehow make it a sinstitution (trademark pending), let’s execute the only other choice: take away all the benefits that all married people get, so it can be fair. (TrogNote: We used to call this “the mountains coming to Mohammed,” until it became dangerous to say “Mohammed.” Now we have to say “the foothills coming to Frank.” It’s clunky, but Fellow Trogs know my view—anything for The Leader.)

Since we want to be fair, all we have to do is make all the married heteros living in this country lose all the health, life, dental, and car insurance benefits that they currently enjoy. (Really, who could enjoy it knowing so many others are having to unfairly go without?) And all the retirement benefits. And all the tax benefits. Whoops, almost forgot automatic guardianship over a spouse. And to be really au courant, let’s make it difficult for my family to prove we’re a family so we can do exotic things like join a swim club.

I know once we all have to endure this kind of humiliation and hassle and untold expense, we’ll all stand behind Unca Dub and the decision he made. Once again, the guy has made me so proud.


Sources:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2006-06-01-bush-gay-marriage_x.htm?csp=24
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2005/04/20050428-9.html